Six Things This Air Force Spouse Will Miss about Military Life – and Three Things She Will Gladly Leave Behind

Just as these veterans raised their hand to swear an oath to serve their country, you, too, can join in committing to support them through Operation Homefront’s #RaiseYourHand campaign. Learn more at http://www.operationhomefront.org/RaiseYourHand

To honor our Nation’s veterans, Operation Homefront would like to share the stories of the veterans who have touched our lives through our programs.  Please join us every day as we feature a new veteran in our #11Days11Stories series leading up to Veterans Day 2019. Today we can take a humorous look back at a life of service through the family’s eyes:

As Haily Radnor and her husband Steve, an Air Force first sergeant, near retirement in early 2019 after 24 years of service, she looks back fondly on their time in the military, while also looking forward to having Steve around more often.

The Radnors and their five children – Austin, 13; Sierra, 9; Cheyenne, 6; Skyler, 3; and Logan, 5 months – plan to move from Colorado Springs, Colorado, where they are stationed now, to Pennsylvania to be closer to Steve’s extended family.  For his second career, Steve may stay in human resources because he has enjoyed his most recent assignment as a first sergeant, caring or the morale and welfare of airmen.

Hailey has a few thoughts on what she will (and won’t miss) about their life of service as a military family.  Thoughts I am sure many of us will nod our head’s in agreement about:

What she will miss:

• Belonging to the larger military family, and feeling the love, from time to time, from people and organizations who care, and value their service, including Operation Homefront. Haily attended a May 2018 Operation Homefront Star-Spangled Baby shower in Colorado Springs at which she and about 100 other new and expecting military members and spouses enjoyed each other’s company, and received special gifts, including Cracker Barrel rocking chairs, cribs and other necessities.

“Knowing that there are those out there that do appreciate what we do, that life isn’t being taken for granted … makes it that much easier for us to get up and do our thing every day,” Haily said.

• The strong bonds they have formed with other military families. She and her military spouse friends are flexible, accepting of change and patient because they know that being high-strung and uptight doesn’t work.  “Your children reflect how you behave,” she said.  “It’s not worth getting upset over little things.”

• Being the friend she would like to have. “Everyone needs someone to be strong for them when they can’t be,” she said.  That requires putting yourself out there, and meeting people without fear of being hurt even though that can be scary.  “It makes us better people and it teaches us.”

At the same time, Haily recommends, “allow yourself to make mistakes because if you don’t, you cannot learn from them to become a better person.”

• “The sense of duty, knowing that there’s a purpose in my husband’s work.”

• Their newborn won’t know the excitement and rewards of military life. Yet if Steve stayed in, he likely would go remote for a year, missing much of their baby’s first two years of life, so they decided it’s “time to hang up the boots.”

• Being surrounded by others who don’t take their country or their lives for granted. Having known families who lost loved ones in war, she and Steve always make it a point to teach their children to be appreciative, respectful and accepting and inclusive of everyone, regardless of differences in age, background, appearance or income.  “All they see is a new friend and that’s all that matters.”

“If you ever go on to a military base and “Taps” is playing, the kids at the playground freeze and stand toward that music and put their hands on their heart,” Haily said.  “Life just freezes for those few moments.”

What she won’t miss:

• Steve’s long, frequent absences. Though all but one of his deployments happened before they married in 2004, he deployed in 2015 to Kuwait for six months.  They had four children at the time.  He also has had assignments that kept him away from home, including his current one, which requires him to be on call 24/7.  When they were relative newlyweds with only one child at the time, Steve performed maintenance for the Thunderbirds, the Air Force’s demonstration squadron, and was traveling more than 200 days a year.  Even when he was home, he worked 12- to 15-hour days, she said. Their son, Austin, now 13, didn’t understand why his father was gone, or would only return for short periods.  “The emotions on him were really hard,” she said. “It was hard for him not having his dad, even though we could have our little Skype talks on occasion a couple times a week” at most.  It wasn’t enough to take the place of his daily presence.

Steve’s schedule improved some when they moved to Germany, but he still worked long hours as an NCO instructor.

• Her kids having to repeatedly adjust to new communities and schools. When the Radnors, who moved seven times over 14 years and four duty stations, relocated to Arizona from Germany, their kids had difficulty “breaking in” to established friend circles, and felt excluded.  There was a stark contrast between their military-friendly neighborhood in Germany and their more civilian-centric community in Arizona, where many neighbors had never traveled outside the state, she said.  It was a “heartbreaking” time, she said, but improved in Colorado.

• Knowing that more military members will lose their lives serving their country, never to return to their families. And that countless others will spend lengthy periods away from their families.

What do you or will you miss (or not) about YOUR military service?  Tell us in the comments.

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Operation Homefront is a national 501(c)(3) nonprofit whose mission is to build strong, stable, and secure military families so they can thrive — not simply struggle to get by — in the communities they have worked so hard to protect. For over fifteen years, we have provided programs that offer: RELIEF (through Critical Financial Assistance and transitional housing programs), RESILIENCY (through permanent housing and caregiver support services) and RECURRING FAMILY SUPPORT programs and services throughout the year that help military families overcome the short-term bumps in the road so they don’t become long-term chronic problems. Please visit us at www.operationhomefront.org to learn more or support our mission.

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