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As my intrepid leader prepares for her big jump this weekend, it occurs to me that a supportive employee would do her best to help her boss better prepare for the big jump she’s fretting about. So I’ve poked around a bit online to find some helpful tips for Amy’s big jump.

1. Scout the area of the jump. For Amy, that means finding a dark corner where she can weep and pray before the plane takes off.

2. Don’t wear loose clothing or shoes. That means for at least this one Saturday, she’ll have to hang up that mumu she stole from Mrs. Roper. And if her shoes are nice in tight, they’ll be harder for her to rip off her feet and use as a defensive weapon if she feels cornered.

3. Meet your instructor and learn about his/her history and expertise. Amy is lucky; she’ll be taking the plunge with the pros at Skydive City and surrounded by off-duty service members. You know, the ones who really like it when you hug them with the iron grip of a frightened gibbon as you cry so hard you leave a mucous trail that would impress a gargantuan horde of mutant slugs. Best-selling author and Homefront Online contributor Ellie Kay has a good story about her first skydiving instructor that she posted on the wall of our Facebook page. Maybe Amy will be so lucky.

4. Learn about the banana pose. Seriously — this a real tip. I have nothing to add; this is a stand-alone. (Insert joke here.)

You’ve still got till this Saturday, June 26 to add to the pot to help push Amy out of the plane. Click here to donate, and please add Jump, Amy! Jump! to the comments section of the form.

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